Thursday, October 23, 2014

They Don't Understand

John and I are a team. We make our decisions together and don't act until we are in agreement. In fact, we usually can anticipate what the other will say or think because we almost always think alike. I don't know how a couple can be full-time RVers if they don't agree about most things. You have to really like each other as well as love each other and you have to agree most of the time to make that lifestyle work.

For a good part of our married life, we have worked together in one way or another. We do have different responsibilities in our common life--John does most of the driving, though not all of it. He hooks up the electric, water and sewer systems of the RV while I take care of leveling and setting up the inside. I do the cooking. He washes the dishes and we do the laundry together. I am largely in charge of indoor cleaning.

While I handle our finances, we make financial decisions together. That has been true all of our marriage. (It must have rubbed off on our sons. Both of them have wives who handle the finances.)

We are buying a house/park model this fall in Arizona. Over the past couple of weeks, we have had meetings with a salesman, the sales manager, the sales coordinator, a manufacturer representative, and the resort manager. Two of the men looked only at John most of the time they talked. One woman looked mainly at me as she talked. Two of the people were really good at treating us equally and including both of us fully in the conversations. This week, we bought furniture at American Furniture Warehouse and the salesman treated us as co-participants in the purchase.

I don't know if the men didn't understand that women can be equal partners in the purchase of a home and additions that are built there. Or maybe, they don't approve of women in that role. And why wouldn't John be equally interested in the rental agreement here?

If I could train people in customer relations, I would tell them to treat both husband and wife equally, whether or not the two really have an equal voice in decisions. They can't judge from the outside and it is better to err on the side of equal treatment than to offend one member of the couple.

If we were 20 years younger, we would be handling this home purchase in the hours after work or on the weekend or during a short break from work. But we are both 71 and we no longer have that kind of stamina or ability to change focus quickly or multi-task. So this purchase, with the many meetings, has taken up most of our time and most of our energy. That explains why I haven't blogged in a week.


  1. Geez, the way you began this post, I was expecting a ' but'. LOL It all sounds exhausting. Maybe it's just as simple as the guys talk to John and the woman talked to you.